I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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