if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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