I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
