Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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