Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
