I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
