I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
