It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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