my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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