Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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