I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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