lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
