I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
