No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
