Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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