I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
