What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
