So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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