Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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