hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
