She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
