what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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