I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
