plz talk dirty to me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
