You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
