I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
