sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
