i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
