Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
where does the pee come out of this thing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We have started to decorate penises.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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