You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
