you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
