I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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