found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
