Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
