I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
