White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if only i could text you this smell
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
