Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
