I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
