areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
