You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
