Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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