The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize