You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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