I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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