Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
