i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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