Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
