just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
