it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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