Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
