You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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