gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't turn off my feet"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
